Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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