I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
