Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
