Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
