How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
