Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
