Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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