youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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