how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
