i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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