He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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