Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
