How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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