I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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