My cat gives me a boner
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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