I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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