So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
