It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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