soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
