can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
