My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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