My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
