i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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