All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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