yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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