Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
