After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He shit in the fireplace
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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