i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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