I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
