My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
