This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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