I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
