Me. At least after what I've been through.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
