bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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