Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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