he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish there were birth control emojis
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
MIDGETS
????
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
