Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
