My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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