physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
