guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
