I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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