I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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