let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
this is an emotional support booty call
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
