No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
