everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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