The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Drake has all the answers
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
