I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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