There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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