how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
