the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
