your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
