So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
His hands were made for my vagina.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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