Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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