Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize