You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
