Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
