take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
