Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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