I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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