You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
