You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
