You smell like a Billy Joel song
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
