I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
