if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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