me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
