all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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