btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
