Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
