it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
