I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it glows. i had to have it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
