Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You were trust falling into bushes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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