i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
